Hey, man. Love is in the air. And so is the scent of this new bottle of Drakkar Noir I picked up at the CVS last night on a beer run.
And both smell sweet as unicorn shit.
It’s also prom season. And I’ve been looking for a way to both express myself artistically and pick up a little side cash for more brewskis and fancy designer colognes.
So, recently I put an ad up on the old Craigslist offering my services as a semi-professional prom and special event photographer and videographer.
But no porn! Because the only responses I ever get for that kind of stuff are from old, fat weirdo, swinger couples that me to watch them bone while filming them with an old cracked iPhone 5. And that shit makes my boner sad as fuck, man. Seriously, it’s a full-blown chub killer.
Jungle Recon Prom Photoshoot 2017: 1st Gig
Anyway, I landed my first prom photoshoot clients this weekend and headed down to the local photogenic type wooded area to capture the essence of their romantic inclinations on film.
Or, more precisely on a digital card using a buddy’s sweet Canon SLR camera that I borrowed over six months ago and have yet to return. And probably won’t, because I’m kind of a bad friend.
Whatever, at least I own that shit.
So, here are some of the un-retouched proofs from the shoot and my thoughts pertaining to each one. Let me know what you think.
Jungle Recon Prom Photoshoot 2017: Stinky Peek-A-Boo
For this first shot as a warm-up I told the kids, “Hey, let’s have a little fun. Dude, you sit down on some grassy steps and then you, young lady, you drape your leg across his shoulder. It’ll be like you playing an innocent game of Peek-A-Boo with your sexy cousin but were then were suddenly overcome with the desire to have him start chewing on your fish flaps.”
This shot is fun, classy and seductive.
Jungle Recon Prom Photoshoot 2017: Tongue ‘N’ Cheek
In this one I was like, “Hey, bend over like y’all were doing it standing up in a tiny hotel shower. But then all of a sudden both of you start sticking your tongues out at each other while you’re humping like it’s some kind of funny joke.”
Then for a little added extra flavor, I had the dude do a “crossover” reach across her buttcheeks with his left hand. This was to show both the dexterity and carefree attitude their young love proclivities exude.
Jungle Recon Prom Photoshoot 2017: Fudge Cannon Cleaning
For this one I wanted to really push the envelope and make a bold statement. So, I just told the dude, “Act like you need to a mail a really big package to the North Pole and it’s going to take a lot of postage. And there’s a big roll of stamps deep up in her butthole and stop until you finish them all.”
Let’s just say that postage got paid and that package is definitely reaching its destination.
Jungle Recon Prom Photoshoot 2017: Inflate Your Date
This was the final shot, so I knew I had to make it special.
I told the young lady, “Let’s pretend you got yourself one of them male blow-up sex dolls and you’ve fallen deeply in love with it and have decided to make it your date for prom. But in a last-minute sad twist of fate it has started to deflate while driving to the event, so you had to pull over in a forest and try to re-inflate it next to some trees and shit.”
This one definitely got hot and steamy. I’m pretty sure I caught a couple of squirrel whacking their little squirrel puds to the action out of the corner of my eye while shooting it. I know sure as shit I was with my other hand that wasn’t holding the camera.
Now I may not be the best prom photographer in the world. But I’m definitely the most sexual.
So, if you need pics taken for your special event please let me know in a comment below.
Describe the event, who’ll be in the photographs and what you’ve offering in terms of compensation (cash or trade).
All legitimate offers will be seriously considered.